It's The Same But Everything's Different, Whether I think I can or can't, I'm right either way.

I can catch myself on a regular basis, when asked what I've been up to, saying:
'Not much'.

If I'm asked how far I've come, I've come a loooong way.

Some days I feel like I am traveling in the same direction and doing the same things, day in and day out.

When you are around motivation, you feel motivated, when you're around happy people, it rubs off on you too (at least it's supposed to.)

I've resisted change in the past and I know that changes will be just around the corner, for the better.

I didn't want to make changes because I had so much fear inside of me. Those changes were going to happen whether I liked them or not.

Everything is different and I know this time next year, everything will be different again.

It's easy to throw in the towel and say that everything is too hard.

 

I think I can
I think I can
I think I can.

I know I can do anything I put my mind to.

Finding A Way- Finding My Way

 

In life, we either find a way, or we find an excuse, at the end of the way we have found, we either reap the reward or we bear the consequences.

All to often over the years, I have unfinished projects and I have always made an excuse:

'I'll do it tomorrow'.

'I'm lacking motivation today.'

'I can't be bothered'.

'It's too hard'. 

It's only hard until it's done- and there is a lot to be done. A lot to achieve. There is a beginning, a middle and an end and the choice is mine whether I find a way or an excuse.

As of this year, I have found a way to achieve so many great things with many more things to come.

Everybody has to start somewhere and start I did. Now, all that is left to do, is continue.

Float Like A Butterfly Sting Like A Bee Mohammed Ali. Could Have Knocked Me Down With A Feather

I'm trying new things this year. Everything is new, starting afresh and I have no doubt in my mind that the rest of this year and all my years beyond this one, will be different, too. The way it should be. Nothing is supposed to stay the same all the time and it is good for us to get out of the all too familiar because everything just gets booooring.

Going to my nearest sports store a couple weeks ago, I was a woman on a mission. I was on the hunt for a set of boxing gloves.

Upon returning home, I was doubtful, I was regretting my purchase (Big Time). Had I done the right thing? I could seriously hurt myself, cause myself some damage...

Taking risks... BIG RISKS... I would only fail if I didn't try. What is the harm in trying? There isn't any. What about if I couldn't do what I set out to do?

Being the typical 'hard on myself' person, my mind started racing (and racing it did, again BIG TIME.)

Entering the gym and showing the people at the front counter, they promised to stay out of my way!!! Oh Ye Of Little Faith... (About as much faith as I had in myself.)  Maybe I should have omitted telling them that I wanted to belt out my frustration and felt like beating the living crap out of a punching bag. Apparently I looked scary, but you know what, I'm now not regretting my purchase because I enjoyed every moment of cross jabs, punches, upper cuts and the like and it was a sweaty workout that I needed... ROLL ON TUESDAY I say because that first boxing session was a....


KNOCKOUT.

When I first started at the gym, I never would of envisioned that I would be doing boxing, in fact if you had said that to me 116 days ago, I can guarantee you, you could have knocked me over with a feather !!!

To Be Left In The Dark

 

Hold my hand and show me the way. In the darkness I can see glimpses of what my life should look like. I'm not sure where this is all going and what 'this' actually is. 

Uncertainty.

I can hear the wind blowing right now and if I was to go outside it might just bowl me over.

I have nothing to fear, now that I've come this far, I need to hold on and hold on tight.

It's one thing to be a little girl with not a care in the world, but to grow, to be older and still not have a sense of whatever is happening. A sense that something is missing and to be still puzzled as to what the Hell that is.

Sometimes things fall into place and sometimes it is me that is falling over. At the moment I am faking things and walking with confidence, faking it til I make it. I am walking with pride as to how far I've come but still questioning what is happening and where the Hell everything is going.

Uncertainty

Doubt

Fear

Frustration

Anger

Dread

Writing things on here gives me accountability, I own these feelings, they don't own me.

I've come way too far to turn back now.

So... where am I going??? Forward. One step in front of the other.

I'M SET TO SOAR !!!

There will be a few dark alley ways and I won't know where they will lead me.

The answer to that is I'm not meant to know.

I have a lot to achieve and instead of being overwhelmed, I am taking things one step at a time. One day at a time is too much at this stage. One step at at time it is.