Letting Things Escalate

See that picture? Yes, it's a picture of escalators. We can let things escalate until they sound even worse than what they are or they appear bigger than what they are. The immense fear of me going near an escalator has been something I have feared for years.

Heading to a shop yesterday to look for some trousers for a work trial I have coming up, I went to a shop I haven't been to in years. I had completely forgotten that there were escalators in the shop.

Escalatophobia, yes it is something that exists and something that I have- OR HAD...

You see, when I was all of about seven, seeing the 'moving stairs', I stepped on and fell at the bottom, leaving me fearful of those 'moving stairs'. Having the world move around me fills me with an immense fear and up until yesterday, I opted to take the stairs. Yesterday, I had no other choice, it was the escalator or nothing.

So, another step in how far I have come. Let me show you just how far I have come in the last six months. Yes, six months since I joined the gym !!

It's only hard until it's done.

When my mind thinks, it thinks and my thoughts are like a cyclone going through me. When planning on what I am going to do, I think about the possibilities and the long winded process behind it. I rush through things, this causes panic and I want to see the end result, the finished product instead of enjoying the process. Once done, I feel relief but also grief that I didn't enjoy the process.

Life is in steps, steps are meant to be taken, steps were built to take one at a time, if we take too big a step, we fall over.

Life is a process of the good, the bad and the ugly.

I THINK A MESSY ROOM IS PROOF ENOUGH OF CLEANING IT AND THAT IS ONLY HARD UNTIL IT'S DONE... I MUST GET ON TO MINE.

Old Music/ New Start

      













Reflections of what life is supposed to be. Today I am on the top of the world looking down on creation. A new life I have created and still creating... AND will continue to create for me. I am so much happier with amazing people around me. I put so much faith in a lot of people I never should have.

Sometimes I felt like never used to fit and I did nothing but frown. I needed out of that environment and fast, now that I am out of that environment, I look at the new people I am around and how they have helped me. I am still around a select few of the ones I still regard as my friends and they stuck by me. I got angry at these people because they tried to warn me off the people I never should have trusted. Looking back, I understand, looking forward, I'm not going back, it's so funny that we don't talk anymore.

Before And After.

I don't ever want to become a bragger, I am doing things now in life that if you had said to me six months ago that I would be doing what you said I would, I would never have believed you. This isn't a 'look at me, I'm the bees knees', it's fact.

At the beginning of January, I embarked on Jacob's ladder, I attempted it again today and wow, I have come so far, I did the DNA tower first and walked a mile to get to Jacob's ladder. Jacob's ladder was done in seven minutes. I am going to show you a before and after as to when I first embarked on the gym and this is testament to how far I have come. This is for my knowledge and yours too.

The last one was just last week, quite a transformation? Boy am I proud.

The one below is of me making it to the top of the DNA tower, After THAT I embarked on Jacob's Ladder yet again.

Not The End Of The World Drama Queen

 



Worry won't prevent tomorrows problems, it will steal today's peace though.  Tomorrow never comes, because by the time we get to tomorrow, it is today...

People change
Things go wrong
Things don't go the way we planned
Life goes on...

We have had many facebook messages circulate that the world is going to end... Alas... we have woken up the next day and continued...

That job I worried about that I didn't get...
The 'friend' I lost wasn't actually a 'friend'
I worried that I was going to be late, only to be told that someone was late in schedule, all that panic was for nothing...

I NEED TO GIVE MYSELF A BREAK... WHO AM I HARMING?? NO ONE ELSE BUT MYSELF. SIMPLE?? EASIER SAID THAN DONE.

What's The Worst That Can Happen To You

 

There is always someone worse off than you. I worry about the smallest of things and when I hear about other people's worries or heartaches, my worries don't seem to be that bad after all. 

What if the sky caves in? 

Lo and behold, it turns out that 85 percent of what subjects worried about never happened, and with the 15 percent that did happen, 79 percent of subjects discovered either they could handle the difficulty better than expected, or the difficulty taught them a lesson worth learning. This means that 97 percent of what you worry over is not much more than a fearful mind punishing you with exaggerations and misperceptions.

Things will happen the way they are supposed to. Maybe not the way we thought or hoped but we worry that things won't go the way we thought... In the end, we survive anyway... 

Tomorrow is another day and if things don't work out, have another shot.

Boxin' Toxin

Oops I did it again !!! I trusted people that I never should have trusted. They played with my heart and I got lost in their game. I won't say I am innocent, but I'm not guilty either.


I’m on a ride
You're toxic I'm slipping under
With a taste of a poison paradise
I’m addicted to you
Don’t you know that you’re toxic
And I love what you do
Don’t you know that you’re toxic

It’s getting late
To give you up
I took a sip
From my devil's cup
Slowly
It’s taking over me

Too high
Can’t come down
It’s in the air
And it’s all around
Can you feel me now

With a taste of your lips
I’m on a ride
You're toxic I'm slipping under
With a taste of a poison paradise
I’m addicted to you
Don’t you know that you’re toxic
And I love what you do
Don’t you know that you’re toxic

Don't you know that you're toxic.


People will only make you feel guilty, but they can't ACTUALLY MAKE you feel this way. I have been manipulated for a loooong time and it's very hard to get out of it, when you've cast under as spell and get lost in their game.


Too many times people have manipulated me to over shadow their wrong doing, to place the blame on me.


To get away from all of this, I have taken up boxing. There is nothing more liberating than whacking the crap out of the boxing pads and envisioning someone that is causing you trouble. It's gratifying,too.


AN ABSOLUTE KNOCK OUT

Passion POP.

 

Passion Pop 

 

I have made it my mission this year to try and find myself. A lot of blood, sweat and tears has gone into trying to find myself. In the process, I have lost my way lots and lots and LOTS.

When focusing on my weaknesses though, I stumbled upon my strength.

Speaking of strengths, I want to help people that have weaknesses and this is why I embarked on the huge task this year of writing a children's book in the hope of reducing the stigma or at least creating awareness of equality in children. Everyone is special in their own right.

Enter my dinosaur book...

It has been my dream to get my book out into the community for a while now and my book is based on: Don't judge a book by its cover.

The age group is from 4-6 years old and is in the last stages of getting illustrations completed... and then the printing starts.... YAY.

More than anything, I want to put a smile on children's faces and the very thought of a parent reading to their child during the day or at night, puts a smile on my face, too.

I have tried to upload a pic of what my cover looks like but am not able to.

If you go to www.gofundme.com and type in dinobility, it will come up.

Start Of Something Good

                        

You'll never know, when you're going to meet someone

When your whole wide world in a moment, comes undone,
 You're just walking around and suddenly (In this case, wandering around aimlessly), everything you thought you knew about love (and life), you find it's all been wrong.

You see, my heart, I wear it on my sleeve and the thoughts and the trivialities of life just don't seem to matter anymore. I'm starting to believe in myself, starting to trust in the process. This could be the start of something good.

Inside Out Outside In From Within From The Outside Looking In Upside Down And Back To Front

The amount of time I can spend worrying about things that never happen is ridiculous. Anxiety is a horrible feeling to feel.

From the outside looking in, you may think I have the perfect life... You're right... I do.... I have it so good.

I have friends and family that love and adore me.

I turn myself upside down and back to front, not physically, but emotionally. A lot of emotional turmoil... It's exhausting.

I can go from feeling one thing and the next, I don't feel that emotion anymore.

I am exhausted at this point in time. Not physically but mentally. The rope is in knots at the moment.

Enough rope.

Too Stubborn For My Own Good

When admitting I need help or that I was wrong, I get angry. A whole new set of emotions come into play. Sadness, doubt, resentment. I become a closed book. I want to feel the sense of achievement that I can do stuff on my own, that I can do it all and take on the world... Unrealistic I know, but I want to and it's frustrating as all hell that I know there are people out there that love me. I need to love myself first.

I close doors




   People may open the door for me, but I close it, wanting to shut my emotions away and I end up shutting people out.

I create a window and shut that window.

Too often we look at a closed door or window that we don't see the one that has been opened for us.



  Not everything is right 100% of the time and I can't do ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING ON MY OWN and I have come to realize that there is help out there... AND I DESERVE IT...

Human nature and people are around us for the help we need and deserve. I can say I don't need help or don't want it, but as much as I don't like admitting it, it's out there... And I was WRONG, whether I want to admit it or not.

Shop assistants are there to help us carry out what we need for the week (bread, milk, egg, fruits, vegetables.) We need clothes to wear and we have help in being able to get these items to be fortunate to wear those clothes.

Doctors are there to mend us when we are sick, chemists are there to help us become better with medicine.

Schools help us to get an education.

Counselors are there to help people that need help with sadness and anger and it is ok to need that help. They are there to help us make sense of stuff.

Real Estate people help us look for our home, settlement agencies help us to be able to get into the house to be able to pay it off.

Libraries help us research things in order for us to read up on topics.

Restaurants help us eat.

I can say to you until the cows come home that I don't need help. I do need help. EVERYBODY DOES AND THERE IS NO SHAME IN THAT.