I was once asked by a friend/unfriend/friend/unfriend/back to 'friend' again if I 'was at war with myself' and she actually did me a favour. In a million different ways on a million different days I certainly am.
As the top quote says, my worst enemy was living between my two ears. I keep raising the rent and kicking her out but she keeps making a comeback.
BUT means forget what I just said, this is what I really mean, I am coming to terms that I deserve better.
No if's but's or maybe's, she needs to bugger off and bugger off for good. I need to kick her out because no one can do that for her and no one fully knows my worst enemy better than me.
The noise pollution that I create for myself is my own living proof that I'm my own worst enemy.
What is life supposed to be?
What am I supposed to be?
Where is 'this' all going?
What is 'this'?
Why are things a struggle and other times not?
It's no surprise to me that I am my own worst enemy.
The amount of times I have kicked the living shit out of myself (hence why I bought a pair of boxing gloves last week
I deserve to be happy 
Everyone deserves to be happy.
My friends don't deserve to keep seeing me like this either.
My own happiness starts with me and no one can do that for me.
Through anger and frustration, I lash out and hurt the ones closest to me as I live vicariously through other people, not realizing that maybe they are living vicariously through me and everything I am doing and achieving. Maybe people are envious of me? I question that a lot, how can that be? I'm not envious of me.
Everything I have done and things I will continue to do don't seem enough and yet everything I have done for me seems way too much and far more than I deserve. Love, patience, care, support, understanding, compassion, friendship... I could go on but I won't....
Sometimes I love the person I am but sometimes I wish I could be somebody else.
No comments:
Post a Comment