Brick walls. Build them up just to tear them down.

 


So, I can't believe I'm about to say this... I built brick walls around me for sooo long. Some of them are still up. Some of them I've knocked down. My own 'demolition derby' this year, breaking down barriers and now breaking all the 'rules'. Rules were meant to be broken. There came a time when I felt like running away... from myself... It was me that had to create something new and that is what I have done. Not everything has fallen into place yet, I know it will, though. The place I was in was soul destroying and self destructive. I made the decision that I wasn't going to waste a lifetime dwelling on anything let alone another second. Onwards and upwards. The life (or existence) I created for myself had to change... I had to change. An event on Tuesday (or happening) has pretty much changed my perception of things, I came across an academy for Brazillian Jijitzu (I think that is how it is spelt) and much like water aerobics, I looked at the lady I was with and the words 'I HAVE TO TRY THAT' spilled out, I think she looked at me like I was nuts, but nonetheless, I said at the time I would 'TRY'. I've said a lot in the past 'I can't I can't I can't'. I'm trying another angle this time... 'A 'TRY-ANGLE'. I'm not fooling anyone, least of all myself, this may not be for me and I may walk away saying: 'what was I thinking, but I am not going to die wondering or go back to dwelling and proclaiming, 'what if'.  Sometimes that feeling of stuck is unbearable. Some days I feel like banging my head against a brick wall. Brick by brick though, that wall is slooowly starting to come down and it's me who gets to decide who I invite into my space. Piece by piece, that wall is coming down and I am determined to knock it down completely.