Grieving Process, Good Grief, Bad Grief, Loss, Heartache, Grieving People Who Aren't Dead

I don't know what is worse. Thinking the best of someone and then they let you down, you see them for who they really are, maybe with the rose coloured glasses on, you want to see them in the best possible light.

You'll worry less about what people think about you when you realize how seldom they do.

 "How totally banal of you to ask what I really mean."

People will take what you say and do completely out of context. Does that reveal you are a bad person? No, it reveals their own securities because they haven't bothered to ask you how you are feeling, what you meant by a 'completely taken out of context' comment.

This week saw the demise of a 'so called friendship'. If I am honest with you, I should have seen it coming (those rose coloured glasses really have to go!!) and so do a lot of the people I used to call friends.

Expectations can lead to so much disappointment and can lead you on a destructive path of grief where I took a lot on board, took a lot to heart. I twisted myself back to front, upside down and inside out. The emotional turmoil was horrible and at the moment it's the calm before the storm. I am in a sense of solitude.
 
Things can rarely be understood when you're in the moment, it's only when you take a step back that you realize everything you were putting up with.
 
Regrettably, I wrote on this 'so called friends' wall about her cat who was lying down on a peculiar angle (I know I do this and I end up with a stiff neck the next day.) This is exactly what I said. WELL, the tirade of abuse I got will not be broadcast on here, I can assure you.

Now that I am out of that moment of not feeling friendly, now that she has been removed from my life, I can see more clearly. Being called 'Missy' all the time, snide, cutting remarks, her nitpicking, wanting to end the friendship by having a go at me, calling ME NEGATIVE, calling me or messaging me when the time was right... FOR HER. Everybody has the same 24/7 and yet it was her time that was more precious. I told her that she knows where she can shove her friendship. FriendSHIP....  That ship has SAILED.

The Box- The Mystery Box

 





  



You won't always fit into everyone's box of ideals. Boxes as you can see here, come in all kinds of forms, in a pair of boxing gloves, a cardboard box, a tin box or whether they would be in a cardboard box as well. I wasn't born to blend in with the crowds, as there are many types of blends of chocolate, I was born to stand out, not fit in.

LET IT GO LET IT GO

LET IT GO LET IT GO LET IT GO

Being true to myself and what I want in life and who I want in my life, won't get me a massive amount of friends, but it will get me the right ones. If I am honest with you, I don't want a massive amount of friends. I want the right friends that will support me in whatever it is that I am seeking.

When I am comfortable around those people and can be me, then I know I am around the right people.

Living up to my standards should be the only thing that is important to me, but living up to everybody else' from now on is an absolute deal breaker from here on out.

People in the last week have decided to leave my life as they have after many years decided that my ideals don't fit theirs.

I won't be loved for someone I am not any longer and hated for who I am not. I am an animal lover and was condemned for supposedly promoting animal cruelty this week. Clearly people think they know me, when they don't have a frigging clue.

I have put a lot of trust into many and sadly those feelings haven't been reciprocated, I've also been befriended when the timing was right for others. To be a friend, you are either a friend 24/7 or not at all, not just when the timing is right for you.

At the moment I am feeling exhausted. Not physically, but mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I've had my heart turned inside out, upside down and back to front, I am drained, done and dusted.

I am so 100 % sure that moving on was completely out of my hands, but I have control as to how I am going to let it effect me. Obviously this person hasn't given two shits and is very happy in moving on. I deserve to be happy and am doing so with pride of everything I have achieved. I am also happy about the things I get to achieve with or without many around me. I'm not FROZEN, I've broken free, broken the ice and ready to swim away from any circumstance that doesn't fit in with my well being any longer.

Put It This Way

It has been brought to my attention that I have a little catchphrase, it is that much of a catch phrase that I don't even catch myself saying it, (well maybe once or twice!!), but everyone notices me saying this ALL THE TIME, It's become habit.

Put it this way, when I first was told about this, I was in complete denial, my first thought was, no I don't, I have never said that, yes I have, and I find myself saying this, several times a day.

If you had said to me twelve months from now that I would be in the happy place that I am, doing the things I am doing and that I would achieve the things I have, I would have put it this way, told you, you were wrong and completely off your rocker.

I will be doing so much more in learning life skills, new people, new experiences, new courses, new books, more speaking, more activity, hopefully find myself a job that fits what I want to fulfill. PUT IT THIS WAY, I know I am going to be a busy girl, but I need this to be able to fulfill a bright and happy future for myself.

The bucket list is endless :)

The list is endless😀💓💙💚💛

If you had said to me twelve months ago that I would be doing the things I have done and am continuing to do, I would have laughed at you. It has been MONTHS since I wrote on BLOGGER. My strength is a work in progress.... My mind is a ... work in progress, everything.... when you work on it..... is a work in progress. Writing makes me feel so happy and it helps me to say EXACTLY what I want to say.

I finally finished my book late last year, I can now call myself a children's book author, this was self published and I took it to a printer locally to me.

The next step is public speaking, something I am really passionate about, it's about a topic that I know all too well and is very close to my heart.... Disability, I live it every day.

I am pleased to say that I am on to my second book and both books are based on disability and are both about animals, one is a dinosaur book and the other one is about a rabbit. Last year I was fortunate to go back to my first ever primary school and met up with a teacher that was there twenty three years prior. The very experience was absolutely amazing. With the right people around you and the support makes everything soooo worthwhile.

I am now back in the water and loving every minute of that in part taking in two water aerobics classes a week. I also have a couple more schools to speak at.

Happy happy happy.