Maths

Sometimes, you have to accentuate the positives and eliminate the negatives, that's what gets results. Results have been very slow with me over the last fifteen months, but I am slowly getting to a happier me.

There are many reports that you need to do this, you need to do that, everything in moderation, this is good for your health, this is bad for your health.... BLAH BLAH BLAH. The list is endless.

Like some things being bad for us: Too much alcohol, cigarettes, chocolate and cake, some people can be bad for us, toxic even, some environments can be toxic too


(Ya got to spread joy up to the maximum)
(Bring gloom down to the minimum)
(Have faith or pandemonium's)
(Liable to walk upon the scene)

Ch-ch-ch-ch- Changes

The ship has sailed, the pity train has left, all cliché really. When love turns into hate. People and situations change. There was a time when what people did and how they said things, I would let things slip, I would bite my tongue.

I spoke about the pedestal and putting on that pedestal. If you put people up too high on that pedestal, chances are they will eventually fall (or I will take them down a peg), one of the two.

There was a time when people couldn't put a foot wrong with me and I gave them more chances than they deserved. Incoming: the more assertive me that is willing to step up and stand up for herself.

When looking at people and no matter what they did, they always made me happy. Now my eyes are wide open and I am choosing who I have around me, much more carefully now.

Fresh Perspective

I'm writing this as it's pelting down with rain, thundering and lightning. This can be scary in itself, and so can life. Life works in mysterious ways.




There was a time when people left my life, either they passed away, or they decided that my time in their life had finished, reason, season and lifetime.

I know I have brought this up a lot of late, but it is something I feel very passionate about and while I grieved the people that chose to walk out of my life, I had no control of them walking out and that was the thing that 'killed' me at the time.  Maybe I had a clue that my time with them was going to be limited.

I've been told many times to 'live in the real world'. I won't give you a 'pity party' here, living in the real world, as I am sure all of you will relate, can suck, can suck big time, people suck, things suck.

People change
Things go wrong
Just remember, the ride goes on.

I have no control of those that are now living their life separately to mine, but it's a grieving process.

Grief comes in many forms, I'm currently grieving my two grandparents that passed away (albeit ten years apart) but within two weeks of each other this month. That's one loss and the other loss is losing 'friends' or people masquerading as friends. People, who when you say or do the wrong thing at the first point, they decide enough is enough.... SO IF THEY AREN'T GIVING IT A SECOND THOUGHT, EITHER AM I.

Now My Heart Awakes To The Sound Of Silence

The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched - they must be felt with the heart. Helen Keller
Read more at: https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/h/helenkelle101301.html?src=t_heart

The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched - they must be felt with the heart. Helen Keller
Read more at: https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/h/helenkelle101301.html?src=t_heart

The best and most beautiful things can't be seen nor touched, they must be felt with the heart-Helen Keller.

There is a saying about your heart and who it beats for which is on the tip of my tongue but I can't quite get to it.

Going with my gut, going with my intuition, my own heart and sticking with the people that will actually listen to me. Rather than listen to everyone though, I am going with my own voice.

Sometimes there is nothing but silence, sometimes my mind is an absolute mess. I have my own voice, but I am going with my gut, going with what I want to make me happy. Making things go for ME AND MY WAY. I hope the people that read this that know me (yes I know there are people all over the world reading this, but the ones that know me), I hope they know that I have become secluded somewhat, some of it, I am partially to blame. I have become a bit of an introvert. Some things I don't say anymore, some things I don't do anymore, out of fear. If I stay in my own space, I can gather my own thoughts in my own 'quiet'. This stops me saying the wrong thing. I am more inclined to just be me now though and let the 'RIGHT' people love me for ME. The wrong people can...   go JUMP                                   

Not Everybody's Cup Of Tea... Not Everybody's Everything Really

 

 

 

 

 

Some people will rate you, some people will hate you. There is a lot of war in this world and a lot of HATRED, I believe that HATE is a very strong word.

 

I don't drink tea, don't drink beer, will have the occasionally glass of Bailey's and the occasional glass of wine, the occasional milky cocktail, I don't go for fizzy drinks either.

 

What am I learning in recent times? It's not a matter whether anyone likes me or not. I now have the strength to go into a room and question how many of those people I actually like. Others wouldn't give it a second thought, so why should I?

Fresh And New

Excuse the quality of this photo as this is from my phone. Not being tech savvy, this hasn't come out the way I wanted it to, nor has it done the new hair do any justice and it doesn't show how I feel right now.

I FEEL GOOD da na na na na na na. I knew that I would now.

 SO GOOD

SO GOOD.

After doing an aqua class yesterday and feeling quite good about myself, I needed a fresh perspective on my achievements and how far I have come. I didn't want to escape reality, but I wasn't ready to face reality either.

Things are a whole lot more different than what they were this time last year. I wasn't ready to face new things. I tried new things and got out of my comfort zone somewhat, but I didn't know where anything was going.... Fast forward twelve months and the perspectives have gone out the window again where I still don't know where anything is going. I know what has gone has gone and those things won't be coming back. Hindsight is such a beautiful thing and I am actually RELIEVED, even if it does mean that I try to erase the memories of my thirtieth (I am thirty three at the end of March and I don't speak to one solitary person from my thirtieth).

Letting go of people is good for the soul. Some people are good for your soul and some things good for the soul too.

After getting out of the pool and looking at the state of my hair, along with my nervous system and my emotions, I realized my hair was a knotted mess. HAIR BE GONE. I was told not to look down, I did. Much shorter hair now and was told I look 'cute', I don't know whether I should be shocked, saddened or completely elated at that, but elation is what I am choosing. Lighter is what I am choosing since I let go of the hair and the people were dragging me down with them !!

Twelve Months Gone By Off Course Of Course, I Can See Clearly Now

A lot has happened in the last twelve months, a lot I am sooooo proud of. Admittedly, I haven't been blogging as much as I should or could be. When I am in a negative mind set I refuse to write. I can safely say that I have so many positive people around me. They are few and far between, but I am HAPPY. When on an even keel, you think everything is going well and then the odd bad day, really good, GREAT, bad, back to just ok.... We never really know what we are going to get. We don't know what to expect. EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED.

I can see clearly now the rain has gone, I can see all obstacles in my way. Before I would have tripped over these obstacles, events I became anxious about, people whose opinion I validated more than my own. This caused many a tear, many anxious days and nights and as I said in previous posts, I was sad, angry and am now realizing that people wouldn't have given my thoughts a second thought. I deserve to be happy, and if nothing else, happiness is what I want to strive for.

Look all around, there's nothing but blue skies
Look straight ahead, nothing but blue skies

I can see clearly now the rain is gone
I can see all obstacles in my way
Here is the rainbow I've been praying for
It's gonna be a bright, bright, bright shiny day

It's gonna be a bright, bright, bright shiny day

Reflection Time. Damage Control

I am very much a people pleaser and do things to please and impress people, even to the point of deciding what to have for dinner!!!

People have walked as I mentioned in the last post. It's not like I am being any different to how I have always been, except I have realized I deserve to be happy too.

The first cut is the deepest and I know I have hurt people, but I don't have to pay for that for the rest of my life and I refuse to do so. More of standing up for myself is required.

More often than not, people will give you a second chance. Some people in recent times, haven't given me a second chance, (Like they're perfect!!!). Not sure if swearing is allowed on here and if I get blocked or get sent a letter to say it isn't I humbly apologize. I have wanted to start my own farm. With a fuck you here, and a fuck you there, here are a fuck you, everywhere a fuck you. Getting a second chance isn't up to me. People will accept you for who you are, or they won't. I need to accept myself more and to be less anxious. Sometimes easier said than done. Being me and true to myself, of late, I have forgotten who I am. Purposely, so people will like me. NO MORE.

Losing 'friends' isn't a loss. Losing people who contact you when it is convenient to them. Having friends is the most precious gift of all.

Speaking of gifts, I have a gift from a friend and can now say I have a new obsession with my Ariana Grande perfume.

I am starting to go back to a time where the people who have left my life weren't in it, and the conclusion is, I survived then, I will survive still, the comfort I draw from that, is I was fine without them prior. My time with them is done.

Sometimes holding on does more damage than letting go x  Namaste.

WALK

Move at a regular pace by lifting and setting down each foot in turn, never having both feet off the ground at once:

Wisdom
Awareness
Love
Knowledge

For many unexplained reasons, many people will enter your path. Some, you won't know why they crossed your path, they just did. Some people will travel your path, if only for a little bit and then for a reason or no reason at all, they are no longer a part of your path, for that path was not theirs to travel or they decided, your path was not theirs to continue on. They have another path to travel and that is ok. Your path is not for them to understand.

People will walk with you, guide you, support your journey. They don't necessarily have to like or understand your journey, but they follow you as a support.

The people that walked, let them and don't go running to catch up to them, they power walked away from you, quite possibly when you needed someone the most.

Some paths meet up again and some don't. That is not for me to control. Would they be giving it a second thought? No, Would they be twisting themselves inside out, upside down and back to front? No.

Fall down six times, get up seven, just know, you may stumble, you may tumble, but get back up and try some more. The people that matter most to you and that care most, will be there for you to see you thrive.... I know I am ready to run, run away and take that leap away from anyone that isn't doing me any good, the people that are no good for my heart and soul.

I'M SET TO SOAR.

Shake Rattle And Roll

   






Some things will shake you to your core. Some things need to have a bit of a shake up for you to finally realize what is good in your life and what is bad. Some people will rattle you and it's only when you take a step back that you realize, some people are just bad for your health. When angry, the truth comes out, how you truly feel comes out. Some of it will make heads roll. In losing 'friends' and gaining 'friends', it really rattled me and it was the shake up I needed.

Some things you can cop on the chin but stepping back you realize what you got you didn't want, what I got I didn't deserve. What I do deserve is to take a step forward and move on. Roll with the punches that life has given me. Fall down six times, get up seven.

Circle of Friends, Circle of Life, Wheel Of Fortune.

Not everyone is meant to stay in your circle. Some people stay for the long haul. Some only for a short time and then they decide to leave that circle.

Reason, Season and Lifetime. This year has been a pretty difficult start to the year. If I am honest with you, last year was too. I learned and still learning who my true friends and the true meaning of friendship. One word can end a friendship. That means they were never a friend in the first place.

Back in the good ol' days it was play dates, going to the park of movies with friends, playing a sport or having common interests.

Undoubtedly when you look back at the people you once knew or when they knew you, the probability of them really knowing the true you, is quite low. They chose to see out of you what they wanted and they took that for their knowledge, whether you saw that in yourself or not is not your choice. You can't make anyone like you.

No one is perfect and we all make mistakes. If people see your mistakes and choose to dislike you straight away, you were never a friend to begin with. People get to choose their friends, what they don't get to decide, is who you are, how you are going to behave around them, and how you are going to be a friend to them, they should love you for who you are, not who you're not.